So I dated this girl Kelly for a little while. She was really sweet. A social worker with a big heart, who didn't have much of a social life. Not because she wasn't a social person, but in her line of work, she didn't meet a lot of single guys, and most of her coworkers were much older and married with kids. She lived alone in a small upstairs apartment of a historic home with her dog.
Her dog was nice enough, but one of those dogs that needed constant attention. It was probably the reason we never dated more. As much as I liked dogs, this one was anoyning. It was constantly whining and always drooling on you. It loved to play endless fetch. It would find its slobbery tennis ball or chew toy and bring it over and drop it at your feet. It would whine until you acknowledged it, and if you didn't then it'd start to bark, and if you still tried to ignore the dog, it would start to ram its wet nose into your crotch. It was awkward.
Going over to her apartment always meant dealing with her dog. I swear the dog must have stayed home all day just waiting for us to come over and play fetch. I'd say 1% of that dog's brain was on sleeping and pooping, 2% on eating, and 97% on playing fetch.
This did not seem to bother Kelly as much as her guests (like me). Apparently few came over to her place. Maybe I was the only one. The dog certainly thought so.
Maybe it was my fault because I played fetch the first time I came over. Since that first game with the ratty tennis ball, I regretted it. I wanted to spend romantic time with Kelly, watching a movie on her couch, making out. We couldn't with the dog. I hated smelling like slobbery dog.
I tried to hide the tennis ball. The dog always found a squeaky toy. When I hid those, the dog returned with a large rubber dong.
Apparently Kelly had left it out. Maybe in the bathroom? Maybe on her night stand? Maybe in her bed? Maybe she was using it right before I came over? That was a sexy thought, but ruined. Wherever she'd left it, the dog had found it.
He packed it into the living room and dropped it at my feet, whining.
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